WGN Morning News producer Jeff Hoover frequently resurrects Andy Rooney for special commentary. Ladies and gentlemen, Andy Rooney...
"Sometimes I get it but I don't get it at all. Like why is everyone fighting over Michael Strahan? I mean, he seems nice, but he's not the greatest interviewer. And he's not incredibly talented unless you needed him to tackle someone. Although if "Circus of the Stars" was still on, I bet he could floss that gap between his teeth using Kelly Ripa. And what's her deal? She's not going to return to the show until Michael leaves. She makes $20 million a year to sit in a chair and yap for an hour with Josh Groban or Kesley Grammer. And he's going to make as much to sit at an anchor desk and try to yap along with what seems to be 9,000 other co-hosts on "GMA" for two hours. Come on, Kelly. You have a show with your name on it. Michael has to work twice as long and share the stage with a cast of thousands. Suck it up, Kelly. Just get Gelman to get Regis Philbin out of the cryogenic chamber and he'll be thawed out by September. But, maybe she likes all of this drama. It makes sense since she used to be on a soap opera. Speaking of soap, I never liked Irish Spring. The whole "Manly yes, but I like it, too" slogan burned my keister. Or it might have been the one time Harry Reasoner left Thai food out in the break room at "60 Minutes" over the weekend. I came in on Monday after a sailing bender with Walter Cronkite and ate spicy papaya salad out of a Styrofoam container like a rabid duck. I emitted more blue flame than the Batmobile. Ed Bradley lit a cigarette and damn near blew up the CBS Building. Luckily for all of us, Dan Rather put out the fire on my eyebrows with his Mr. Pibb. Did you ever notice there wasn't a Mrs. Pibb?"